Discuss:Ethics, Behavior, World-view:The Self-Sacrificing Parent
From da Vinci Concept
The Self-Sacrificing Parent
sunny - Sun Aug 8 0:51:00 2004
When raising children one should never make the child feel guilty for having been born by bringing up the concept of the self-sacrificing parent.
If a parent makes it well known that he or she sacrifices material or spiritual necessities for the child, the child will either reject the parent's ideology sucessfully, or, as is the case in most instances, live with an unbearable guilt tied to their very existence.
The idea that brought this problem to the surface was a discussion in which Truc-Ha and I were discussing our own struggles with family. We quickly came to this conclusion. The answer is as obvious as the problem. The parent that makes it well known that he or she is self-serving is clearly letting the child know that their existence adds to the value of the life of the parent. The parent sacrifices nothing for the child. The parent provides whatever they deem necessary for the child, at their own expense and for their own selfish ends. A parent can expect their children to assist in old age, but not out of guilt.
A corrollary to this bad idea is the concept that the self-sacrificing parent creates in the mind of the child that tolerates the guilt. That is, a child that also demands the sacrifice that is perpetuated by the parent's ideology. This sets up the final and key element that drives the entire debacle: the parent now has set up a situation in which the child must themselves sacrifice themselves for the 'good' of the parent at a potential cost.
It is a very bad idea to try to force your children to feel indebted to you for their upbrining using the method of the self-sacrificing parent. There are better ways of asking your children for help. Mutual respect borne out of solid and shared values works well.
--sunny Sun Aug 8 0:51:00 2004
